.December 2024.

This month has been a bit of a struggle - a period marked by a lack of motivation, combined with a sense of detachment and lacking trust in my tools. I was fired up by the results of my new AF-C in November, but this month didn’t carry the same spark. I found myself shooting with hesitation, missing the usual charisma. I wasn’t engaging with my surroundings as I typically do, or interacting with people and I think that absence is evident in many of the shots. It’s difficult to always turn on. Especially in low-light conditions where the flash becomes a constant necessity. Aside from experimenting with the Drive-By shots I found myself mentally exhausted, almost forcing the process. I shot from the hip; the mantras that usually keep me focused -what you want is on the other side of fear - it’s always happening now - thrown out the window, and instead, I settled for shots that I was to timid to actualize.

That being said, the positive side of the coin is this is the ebb & flow of creativity. You can’t have the good without the bad, the yin without the yang, and what I’ve come to realize is that photography is an extension not only of the self but also a reflection of my mood. After contemplation throughout the month, I’ve come to realize that this is in no way a negative experience. Art is always subjective, resonating on several levels; thus the constant ebb & flow of the artist is necessary. Trying to avoid it is futile; you have to move through it and keep creating, let in unfold. No amount of inner-peace, stoicism, or zen, can be without the restless churning of the mind. I’ve come to consider this winter a Bearish Season. I have been pumping all year long, perhaps less is more could be an adage moving forward, but again to try and control one’s creative intuition is redundant.

Despite this, there are still some standout moments, the cozy Canadian shots, some sharp in-focus, others not so much. I also love the black and white film for the winter scenes, the grain and sentiments capture the already grey hazy days. I’m grateful to have my SLR back in hand, enjoying the versatility and complete control over my focus. The AF-C system was frustrating in its inconsistency - when it worked, the results were crisp, but the lack of reliability was discouraging. I also became self-conscious about shooting with a camera that didn’t look professional, which is ironic, since from what I’ve heard is that many prefer smaller bodies for street photography. After two months of the AF-C, I’ve realized I prefer the more intentional feel of the SLR; even if it’s very obvious I’m shooting in your space.

And so, this marks the end of a year. Technically, I started shooting in February, but the idea for this project was born in January, so it feels right to conclude in alignment with the calendar year. I revisited all the journals and was very surprised at the struggles, challenges and lessons throughout the year. I’m amazed at how far I’ve come, both in terms of technique and creative growth. I’m proud of my progress, and even the frustrations I experienced this month are part of the process. The key is to keep moving forward - keep producing, work through the suffering just as you would work through the joy.

Looking ahead, I plan to condense The Monthly 35mm into a year-end compilation. Im currently working on a Photo book and am excited to revisit all my work. What’s the point of shooting film if I’m not making prints? I’d love to hold my work in my hands and share it with you, maybe even throw a little gallery party in the process. For those who have followed along, thank you. I truly appreciate your support, your feedback, and even just the fact that you’ve taken the time to engage with this project. And, of course, a special thank you to those who have tolerated & endured my rambling journal entries month after month. Although the year is at an end, the months keep rolling in, onto the next one!

You never know what each Month is going to present you with, but one thing is certain - you have to get outside to capture it.